FEELINGS COME FEELINGS GO FEELINGS COME FEELINGS GO FEELINGS COME FEELINGS GO FEELINGS COME 

A string of Haikus from recent months:

sultry taste of heat

I hope to know that feeling 

pink sun fading low

peach soju, I sigh 

the dogwoods boldly blooming 

all familiar

golden and naked 

hot soak takes it all away

valleys and myself

I know what it means

I feel like I’m not allowed

yet my heart wonders

you live in my heart

I know it’s full of fire 

promise you won’t burn 

feelings frighten me 

I’m not sure what this life holds

things pull me in close

I have to focus

I can’t force things to change fast 

I’ll just flow and see

05/14/2024

**song for this entry: Still Life by Jon Mckiel

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Sometimes I get so in my head I pace around the room 

Anxiety 

What ifs

Processing 

Downloading 

I feel so much yet fight boldly to try and not to 

It is what it is 

Probably my most favorite saying to exist 

But it works 

It helps me accept the things I cannot change 

Not that I should try to anyways 

Everyone is on their own trip

Their own story 

Karma 

Spider webbed into an oblivion that we can only by chance, get slight glimpses of 

I’m simply an observer

I’m simply trying to navigate my own ship from crashing into the rocks while waving at you as I pass by

Quietly 

Calmly 

Respectively 

Day by day 

Cycle after cycle 

steady rotations ..

It’s okay for me to feel things about it all 

I surely know this to be true 

But I can’t help but find myself

still,

sometimes,

even out of the blue 

Pacing,

Pacing,

Pacing,

Pacing around the room 

03/22/2024

**song for this entry: The Eraser by Thom Yorke

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A lot has changed for me in my life.

I went from being a foxy, busy social lite living in the city to a quiet and introverted mountain witch who is now uncertain if she could ever acclimate back to being surrounded by so many humans all at once.

I work very hard and keep to myself.

I soak naked every week and leave my body briefly during my meditations. 

I eat better, I walk with my dog, I dream day and night. 

I foolishly long for the warmth of an unknown genuine lover and debate if I’ll ever know what that feels like again.

I feel stupid for even wanting anything from anyone.

Mystics shouldn’t pine - I’m still learning.

I think about death, I think about birth.

I miss my grandparents, family, and friends back home and often wonder if I am senselessly selfish. 

My grandma reminds me I’m not and that she is proud despite the tears welling in the edges of her eyes because she loves and misses me the most.

My grandfather now being so vulnerable and blind weighs on me as I describe the pictures I’ve taken so he can imagine he’s there standing next to me.

Breathing in the crisp air and feeling the heat of the sun on his face.

You helped shape me into who I am.

I feel my heart ache for so many reasons.

God damn does it hurt some days more than others.

Time knows no bounds.

I’m so hard on myself.

I’m trying to formulate my own future.

Comfortable, well rested, and at ease.

I’ve made it a point to really make an effort to achieve my goals even though it takes my own convincing sometimes that I deserve good things.

I try not to be envious of those I know who are further ahead.

I try not to spite the universe for making certain people’s path’s easier than mine.

All these lessons and hardships were intended for pure growth.

Let me tell you my leaves are green and my roots long and deep.

Like a monstera, not easily killed and resilient even on the cloudiest days.

Japan changed my life the most this cycle around the sun.

It reminded me of who I am.

Not that I had ever completely forgotten but I surely put essential parts of myself on the back burner. 

Never again. 

I'm leaving behind everything and everyone that no longer serves me this year.

A cosmic smoldering galaxy lives in my head and in my chest.

My artistic well is endless and yet it takes me time to reveal its images and magic to the world.

I’m so close.

I promise. 

Magic takes time and focused intention.

But it’s there, it never left and never will.

Natural born. 

12/09/2023

**song for this entry: Unfolding Momentum by BADBADNOTGOOD